What follows is the tired, old dribble that accompanies all gothic fantasy films. The Last Witch Hunter is the generation-spanning tale of Kaulder (sounds an awful lot like cauldron), an infamous witch hunter who was cursed with immortality 800 years ago by the evil witch queen. It’s not just bland, predictable and forced, it’s a haphazard Frankensteining of The Mummy Returns, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice and Halloweentown. But after viewing The Last Witch Hunter, I was just insulted by the dumbed down, clichéd mess. So when I heard Vin Diesel was going to be able to live in his nerd Valhalla, I was a tad jealous. I would play in the bathtub if an ocean setting were required-hell, I would even create TV shows, with episodes and seasons. Joes, rubbing red Crayola on my toys if they ‘bled’. I would spend hours creating stories, assigning characters and playing out my creation with assorted G.I. When I was a child, the fantasy genre was my absolute favorite.

With all due respect, from one writer to another I have to ask: Dude, what the hell?Įven though there are a trio of writers behind The Last Witch Hunter, I’m singling you out because it was your encounter with Vin Diesel, and your shared love for Dungeons & Dragons, that brought this abomination to life.

The last witch hunter cast 2015